There is only one thing stronger than all the armies in the world and that is an idea whose time has come. – Victor Hugo

(quoted on the homepage of the Sensible Sentencing Trust website)

In 2004 it is likely that the New Zealand Government may change the law to ban the use of physical force on children, by parents. This will generate much debate about parental rights and state inference versus the need to protect children from parental abuse. At present Section 59 of the Crimes Act allows parents the legal right to use ‘reasonable force’ to discipline their children. We need to carefully and honestly consider the facts that have brought about this forthcoming debate; New Zealand leads the world in child abuse statistics.

Periodically, as a nation we are shocked by media saturation of another child murder. But the Corel Ellens and Lillybings are quite quickly forgotten as is our disgust as a nation and our pledges to do better. Our young and defenceless are being murdered at an alarming rate, not by strangers, but by parents and step parents. A Unicef study (2002) shows New Zealand children are more likely to be killed as a result of abuse than those in any other country in the western world, (Sunday Star Times, 5th January 2004). We are one of only four countries where child death rates from abuse have got worse since the 1970′s.

The shameful facts that we need to be honest about are that:
- Serious physical abuse of children in New Zealand is on the rise.
- Crimes of violence in general are on the rise.
- Children are dramatically more likely to be physically or sexually abused by someone they know or trust, rather than by a stranger.
- Children are dramatically more likely to be murdered by someone they know or trust, rather than by a stranger.

Quite simply, the murder and abuse of our children can no longer go on. It is a national shame and the remedy must take precedence over political correctness, parental rights, religious or ethnic sensitivity.

We can no longer go on hitting our children. This is an idea whose time has come!

The answer doesn’t just rely on a change in legislation. The answer lies in a change of attitude in us all. We need to adopt a culture of zero tolerance to violence. We need to stop hitting our own children. We need to stop looking away when family members hit their children. We need to do something when we see neighbours hitting their children. We simply can not continue to be tolerant of violence and not wanting to be involved when we witness it. As parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and neighbours we need to look at ourselves and change our own attitudes. We need to model non-violent behaviour to our children.

In 2004, our parent education theme at Matipo School is going to be ‘No Hitting’. We all know what it is like when we’re under stress but we need to put hitting out of our punishment menu. Count to ten, time out, go to your room, removal of privileges or freedom, extra chores are all normal alternatives. There are community based programmes such as ‘Tough Love’ and P5 Positive Parenting courses available. The James Family, Salvation Army and Waitakere Family Services are available for assistance.

The Canadian researcher Dr Michael Bernard has written extensively on parenting and has identified seven parenting practices:
- Developing positive parent – child relationships by sharing time, interests and setting consistent boundaries and consequences and having fun together.
- Communicate high realistic expectations for achievement and behaviour.
- Creating opportunities for children to be given responsibilities and to be involved in decision making.
- Providing places and activities that accommodate the interests of children.
- Use appropriate motivational methods to encourage children.
- Demonstrate interest and involvement in their lives, their interests, their friends and school.
- Demonstrate and teach them positive attitudes and values.

Basically, we need to love and care for our children. We also have to care about the children of others. We all need to take personal responsibility for the level of violence in our community and the level of violence towards our children. The protection of our children is everyone’s responsibility and the first step to the removal of our national shame is for each of us to change our own attitude towards the physical punishment of children.

NO HITTING!